Ray's points of view :: Classic comebacks and quotes

Category Humour

Classic come-backs

" I wasn't born yesterday, Blackadder. "
" More's the pity, we could have started your personality from scratch. "
- Captain Darling and Captain Blackadder, Blackadder Goes Forth

Classic come-backs and quotes

From Blackadder:

" I wasn't born yesterday, Blackadder. "
" More's the pity, we could have started your personality from scratch. "
- Captain Darling and Captain Blackadder, Blackadder Goes Forth

Lord Flasheart: Nursie! I like it firm and fruity! Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket? Down, boy, down!
Prince Edmund, Duke of Ediniburgh: So let me get this straight. You're saying that something which you have never seen is slightly less blue than something else which you have never seen?

" You've really worked out your banter, haven't you? "
" No, not really. This is a different thing - it's spontaneous and it's called wit. "
- Mr. Pants and Edmund Blackadder, Blackadder II

" I'm as British as Queen Victoria! "
" So your father's German, you're half-German and you married a German? "
- Captain Darling and Captain Blackadder, Blackadder Goes Forth

" When I set out, I looked divine. At the party as I passed all eyes turned. "
" And I dare say a few stomachs. "
- Prince George and Blackadder, Blackadder The Third

Edmund Blackadder, Esq: If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start.

" Two things must ye know of the wise woman. First, she is a woman! And second, she is - Wise? "
" You do know her then? "
" No, just a wild stab in the dark, which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful! "
- Old crone and Edmund Blackadder, Blackadder II

At the concert party, Baldrick is doing his impression of Charlie Chaplin. He is using a slug as a false moustache.
Edmund: So how are you going to get that attached to your face?
Baldrick: I was hoping to persuade it to cling to my upper lip.
Edmund: Baldrick, the slug is dead. If it managed not to cling onto life, I see no reason for it to want to cling to your upper lip.

General Melchett, describing the second Concert Party.
Melchett: The Three Silly Twerps were one twerp short...AGAIN!...the slug-balancer had turned into some feeble impression of Buster Keaton...

Baldrick: Coffee, sir.
Edmund: Yes please, Baldrick, and try to make it taste less like mud this time!
Baldrick: Not easy sir, 'cos that's what it is. I could add some sugar to take your mind off it.
Edmund: But we ran out of sugar three weeks after we arrived
Baldrick: I know, but I've been using dandruff instead. I could put in some milk though...well, saliva...

" Indiana Jones, you're not the man I knew ten years ago. "
" It ain't the years honey, it's the mileage. "
- Marion Ravenwood and Indy Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark

" You think you are so f*****g cool, don't you? But just once, I would like to hear you scream, in pain. "
" Play some rap music. "
- Milo and Joe Hallenbeck, The Last Boy Scout

" I'm waiting. For an apology."
" You'd better check the temperature in Hell, first. "
- Doctor Franklin and Jeff Sinclair, Babylon 5

" I never forget a face - but in your case I'll make an exception. "
- Groucho Marx

" The Athenians will kill you some day when they are in a rage. "
" And you, when they are in their senses. "
- Demosthenes and Phocion

" Vote for you? I'd just as soon vote for the devil! "
" And if your friend is not standing? "
- Constituent and John Wilkes

" What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College: motorcycles,
leather jackets. Now... black rubber. "
" Try firemen, less to take off. "
- Dr. Chase Meridian (Nicole Kidman) and Batman (Val Kilmer), Batman Forever

" I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
- Groucho Marx

" You're so self-righteous, you know. I mean, we're just people. We're just human beings, you know. You think you're God. "
" I gotta model myself after someone. "
- Yale (Michael Murphy) and Isaac (Woody Allen), Manhatten

" I'm a Democrat! "
" May I ask the gentleman why he is a Democrat? "
" My grandfather was a Democrat; my father was a Democrat; and I am a Democrat. "
" My friend, suppose your grandfather had been a jackass, and your father was a jackass, what would you be? "
" A Republican! "
- Heckler and Theodore Roosevelt

" Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. "
- Groucho Marx

" Go ahead, Al. Tell 'em all you know. It won't take you long. "
" If I tell 'em all we both know it won't take me any longer. "
- Heckler and Al Smith

" I have had the pleasure of passing your house recently. "
" I am glad of it. I hope you will always do it, sir. "
- A stranger and John Randolph (1773-1833)

" I, sir, do not step aside for a scoundrel. "
" [Moving to one side] On the other hand, I always do. "
- Henry Clay and John Randolph

" Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. "
- Groucho Marx

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Tom Philo
Sadly, artificial intelligence will probably never be a match for natural stupidity. Bill Cox aviation writer.

Ray's Sayings!

I am going to give you 20p to put in the bank. Call me when you actually achieve anything but I am sure I wont get a call and you will be rich rich rich! To a manager!

They always dot the T's and cross the I's. They are a council after all!

You are only in a hurry until you get the front of the queue, then the world can stop.